Date: 09-11-07
So to tell you the truth I don't know what I'm feeling right now! One things for certain you defiantly know that you're alive when you live in a place like this. Your emotion's won't let you forget it. One moment I find myself surrounded by little kids as I walk to the hospital - almost every finger has a little black hand attached to it. The next one of the nurses is frustrated with me because I can't understand what she's saying. Later I find myself wiping up bloody vomit from an old woman's mouth and she tosses and turns in and out of consciousness. The nurses from last night's shift have done something wrong, it gets blamed on me and because of my language barrier I have no way to stand up for myself. I guess that's one way to teach me to be humble and not open my mouth. Sometimes it feels like I'm a child playing nurse. Will I ever be trusted that I know what I'm doing? Will I ever feel useful? It's times like these when these question's haunt my mind that I'm reminded that maybe God didn't bring me here to do anything great, maybe He brought me here to change me, to develop a relationship with me. It's a wonderful thought but at the same time the hardest thing I've ever done. When you aren't doing something you begin to wonder why you're here away from those you love and care about, away from everything familiar. These are the questions that caused me to blink back tears as I sat on an old commode inside the nurses station. These are the question's I have to give to God and ask Him to give me the Joy for living life. For true joy cannot be found in what you do, what you have, or who your friends are. It must be found in Christ!
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2 comments:
Liz,
Recieved you e-mail. Thank you for being so real when you share with us. You have done more hands on nursing then I've done in years. You are doing more good then you will ever know until you reach heaven. Keep up the good work and remember who you are working for!!
My prayers are with you.
Juanita
Hi Elizabeth,
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I found your blog on Bere's blog, and I couldn't resist leaving you a comment. I spent 3 months in Chad. So I know a little bit of what you shared. Please know that there are ppl way out in the states, praying for you...And you're right, maybe God sometimes calls us as "missionaries" to far away lands just for our own growth... who knows. Just keep asking Him."Faithful is He that calleth you, who also will do it..."
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